He Took The Road Insanely Traveled By [Books + Media]
Friday July 02nd 2010, 2:21 pm
Filed under:
Bad Asses,
Books + Media,
Close Calls,
Drive Like Hell,
European Delights,
Hotel Hell,
Human Sacrifice,
India,
Mountain Madness,
Off The Map,
Road Warriors

Only one piece of carry-on luggage allowed? Make it this book.
Dear Readers, as you head into that great American tradition, a long, lost weekend of drunken pyromania family, friends, and tasty BBQ, take a minute to consider the less fortunate, like adventure travel writer Carl Hoffman, whose new book ‘LUNATIC EXPRESS: Discovering the World…Via its Most Dangerous Buses, Boats, Trains, and Planes’ has just hit the shelves, despite his many apparent efforts to off himself while reporting it. Hoffman just returned from Thailand, where he traveled to write a piece about his 81-year old father’s restaurant in Chiang Mai. We caught up with him just as the jet lag was wearing off.
In one sentence, please defend your sanity. Thank you.
I did not jump out of a plane or climb a mountain or plunge down a waterfall in a kayak; I merely bought tickets on regularly scheduled buses, boat, trains and planes that millions of people take every day.
Seriously, should travelers throw caution to the wind and take their own Lunatic Express trips? What is it about moving around the world through these kinds of corridors that you found so compelling?
The whole point of the journey wasn’t some death defying macho thing, but to use those conveyances as a window through which to see and understand the world as it is for the majority of its people. The world is changing rapidly and huge numbers of people, mostly poor, are on the move, traveling from countryside to city, from one end to the other of enormous cities, from country to country, on epic and often dangerous and uncomfortable journeys. If you’re looking for an authentic travel experience, if you’re looking to meet people and plunge deeply into the world, than there’s no better place than an overcrowded Indonesian ferry or a jam-packed Kenyan Matatu or Mumbai commuter train. And I found that the further off the beaten path I got, the more I put myself into places few westerners went, the more gracious the people became and I was treated with great care and hospitality. So, in a word, yes. Everyone should take their own Loony journey.
Any points in your reportage when you thought, ‘Feck. Now I’ve really done it. Goodbye, world.’ What happened next?
A few times I felt really, really out there – when I squeezed into a shared car in the Peruvian Amazon or when I boarded a small ferry in the Molucca Islands of Indonesia for a place called Buru, and I had no idea where I was going or what I’d find when I got there, and I carried no map or even extra food or water. But those times were the best! I felt a total freedom and exhilaration at moving through the world into this great unknown, and at giving up control and surrendering to whatever lay ahead. And on a bus through Afghanistan, well, it broke down for a bit in a bad area and that was the only time I though, ‘uh oh, I’m stupid and if I die or get kidnapped it won’t be fun and what was I thinking?’ But then the bus coughed to life and off we went.
What’s the most important item in your bag or suitcase, aside from your passport?
My notebooks. Everything else was replaceable, but those weren’t. I kept them in sealed zip lock bags and close at hand, hoping if the ferry sank or the bus plunged off a cliff, I’d be able to keep them safe. And something to read. And Ibuprofen. A must for hangovers.
Why do they hate us?
They don’t. They love us. They’re dying to know everything about us and they all want to move here. The only people who hate us are urban Europeans, and that’s because they’re really so much like us. And maybe a few Taliban, but they secretly all want to move here, too.
I’m a fan of writer William Boyd. His debut novel ‘A Good Man in Africa’ made me howl. What fiction and non-fiction travel-themed writers do you love the most, and why? Do you see yourself writing fiction? What’s next?
I love Tobias Schneebaum, a gay, New York artist who shed his clothes and disappeared into the Amazon in the 50s, and then lived with the Asmat in Indonesian Papua in the 70s. ‘Keep the River on Your Right’ and ‘Where the Spirits Dwell’ are haunting, unbelievable books, and they’re all about the outsider in his own culture who seeks connection in the exotic, and sort of finds it, but not really, because a white Westerner is even more of an outsider with a bunch of natives than he is at home. Naipaul’s old stuff like ‘A Bend in the River’ and ‘A House for Mr. Biswas’ really take you into the Congo and Trinidad, and Ryszard Kapuscinski’s African books are wonderful. I loved Lawrence Osborne’s ‘The Accidental Connoisseur’. John Burdett’s thrillers like ‘Bangkok 8′ and ‘The Godfather of Kathmandu’, about a half Thai, Buddhist detective in Bangkok, are pretty insightful about Thailand and fun to breeze through.
You seem totally unafraid of riding trains like the one on your book cover, overloaded with thousands of death-defying maniacs clinging to the roof. What are you afraid of in the United States?
I always get scared when I tip over my sailboat in the middle of the Potomac River. Which is ridiculous, because the River is about four feet deep and warm and full of boats and only a mile across. But it always freaks me out.
What’s the best skill or piece of local knowledge you’ve picked up from your book project?
I always jump into the front seat of taxis; it establishes a little dominance and rapport. Never be afraid to eat street food or to walk into that dingy, crowded little restaurant. And when in doubt, keep your back to the wall or keep moving.
Any countries you’re still dying to get to? Why?
So many! All of Africa, especially the weird, crazy little countries of West Africa, like Liberia and Sierra Leone that are full of music and life and are recovering from horrible wars. Ethiopia, because its landscape and its people are beautiful. Burma, because its hot and wet and in a socialist authoritarian time warp.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received while traveling?
My father used to tell me when I was little about DC’s inner city: Don’t be afraid; they’re just like you and me, only poor.’ I never forgot that and it’s true about the whole world.
The worst?
Don’t go there, it’s dangerous.
[Journalist Carl Hoffman traveled 159 days in 2008 and 2009 for The Lunatic Express, published by Broadway Books on March 16th, 2010. Buy it here. He is a contributing editor at National Geographic Traveler, Wired and Popular Mechanics magazines, and his stories about travel, adventure and technology – and often the nexus between them – also appear frequently in Outside, National Geographic Adventure and Men’s Journal. His first book, Hunting Warbirds: The Obsessive Quest for the Lost Aircraft of World War II, was published by Ballantine Books in 2001.]

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India Hour One [Hotel Hell]

No convenience is overlooked in Paradise!
APRIL 18, 2010…After 25+ hours of traveling, my mom and I made it to Delhi from Denver. I was going to volunteer for three weeks, and roped her into a week of sightseeing first. Although we consider ourselves seasoned travelers, my mom’s experience with Third World countries was non-existent, and she had a lot of apprehension, to say the least. I assured her all would be fine and I would handle it all. So, naturally, we were on Indian soil for only an hour, and already there was a story worth repeating.
As we walked out of the Delhi airport we looked for our hired guide among the hundreds of guides lining the exit waiting for their tourists to arrive…
(more…)

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A Mysterious White Powder [Losing It]

I know it's around here somewhere...
The good thing about skiing in a ghost town is that you have the slopes—and the bar—to yourself. And the bad would be obvious…if you believe in ghosts. Well, I don’t. But one day last spring, I found myself wondering.
I’d been in Little Cottonwood Canyon Utah for all of three days in April, which sounds late for ski season only if you’ve never skied in Utah. Fact is, April can be prime time here, well after Spring Break but before the snow goes away for good. This is a canyon from Hellgate to Salt Lake City filled with a half dozen ski areas (including Alta and Snowbird) built atop what was once a warren of mineshafts and whisky traps, and at night in late April, in Snowbird at least, eeriness pervades.
Snow does, too. Sometimes when the spring clouds roll in and hit the Wasatch Mountains soaring straight skyward at the edge of town, avalanches rip down the canyon walls and close the roads, stranding skiers overnight. The local hotels often just let the refugees camp out for a fresh tracks slumber party. My housemate at the time and I had ventured out from NYC to try our luck with the calendar, and weren’t disappointed. Soon after we arrived the sky was puffing white, and while the base areas were slushy, we were soon feasting on powder in Snowbird’s higher bowls, like those accessed off of Cirque Traverse, a double black diamond crescent of steeps that seemed to shelter snow as dry and light as crumbled Styrofoam.
But there was definitely something strange going on. For one, our hotel was dead empty and stone silent. We’d been hoping for some aprés-ski tomfoolery, but the bars sat near-empty. Scenes from ‘The Shining’ kept running through my mind. After skiing on day one, as we stood outside the Tram bar, a subterranean watering hole with a widescreen view of the steel wheels that send Snowbird’s tram skyward every day, we listened as a beer-soaked local told us about Big Bertha, a local “entertainer” who’d pleasured many a miner but died unhappily in a slide. Or something. We chuckled. Sure man. Woo, scary. Have another.
Two days later it hadn’t stopped snowing. We’d skied our way around the mountain, having a blast—powder on top, corn at midmountain—and had one more chance to rip fresh tracks in the good stuff before making our flight home to NYC. For some reason I thought of Bertha as we dropped into an upper bowl, carving big GS turns in over-the-knee powder, whooping as we went.
Then I hit a submerged ice block with my left ski, pinwheeled ass-over-teakettle, and glimpsed a streak of color out of the corner of my eye as my now-released ski soared like a javelin. Sideways, I was sure. Had anyone been near me—my roommate was out of range—they’d have been diving for cover. I didn’t see where the ski landed, but I came to rest about 50’ below the icechunk.
“You OK?” Jimmy shouted up from hundreds of feet below. I was, but my ski was AWOL. G-o-n-e. Not a trace. I started bootpacking around using my pole for a probe, and searched for 15 minutes in an ever-widening square. Then I kept searching. And searching. The ski was nowhere. Here it was our last day on the slopes, the powder had arrived, and I was spending it searching for my damn ski. Over an hour passed and I’d searched an area about the size of a basketball court. Jimmy finally hiked up. “Man, you’re going to have to go down on one ski,” he said. These were rental randoneé skis from REI, a nice pair of K2 Mount Bakers, and I winced imagining how I’d tell the guy where I’d left his gear.
Jimmy was standing below me a few meters. I’d reached both the bottom limit of my search area and my patience, sweat-soaked and angry. We were at least 75 feet from the spot I’d lost the ski. The morning was shot. Jimmy eyed me with pity and plunged his pole into the snow.
Whack. There it was. He hit it on his first jab. “No way…”
I clicked in. We had just enough time to bomb to the bottom, check out, and fly home. Thanks for the memories Bertha, we’ll miss you, too. —Christian DeBenedetti

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The Traffic Apocalypse [Drive Like Hell]

Are we there yet?
I was at the Aga Khan
University in Karachi, organizing a writing workshop, when the call came in.
“Oh no,” whispered my colleague.
”That’s bad. That’s terrible.”
She turned to me. “Benazir Bhutto has been assassinated. We want you to go home
right now.”
She called for Zabair, the toughest and most experienced driver in the pool. He led me outside to a reinforced pickup truck, made sure I was belted in, and pulled out into the worst traffic in the world.
Nobody knew what to expect. Riots? Invasion by the Taliban, by India, by the U.S.? Everyone in Karachi, a city of nearly 20 million, had a single thought: get home.
Outside the university walls, the traffic wasn’t just bumper-to-bumper—it was
door-to-door and elbow-to-elbow. A three-lane road had five lanes of
traffic, a four-lane road had seven: small family cars, vast
trucks painted with bright designs and verses from the Koran, taxis (some so battered they were literally shapeless, held
together by fiberglass patching), scores of motorbikes and mopeds swarming the sidewalks and threading the gaps between car bumpers.
Traffic in Pakistan tends to be an open-faced sandwich anyway, with very
little hidden or enclosed, and tonight this was even more true.
Hand-carts, donkey-carts, a boy on a bicycle carrying two large wooden
crates, two boys on a moped carrying an extension ladder and metal
piping, a family of five squeezed into the bed of a tiny pickup along with what looked like a giant refrigerator. Another family of five on a
motorbike. The brightly-painted buses had twenty or more people on the
roof. Everyone looked like a refugee.
People swarmed the sidewalks, flooded into the roads. Scores of mopeds and small motorbikes raced up the sidewalks or picked their way between the larger vehicles, sometime perpendicular to the stream, sometimes in the opposite direction. It’s a wonder we didn’t see crushed pelvises on every corner.
Twice our pickup flipped the wing-mirror of a bus. Once we crunched a woman’s car as she crowded in front of our bumper. “Well, go on then!” Zabair shouted in Urdu, and she pulled into the tiny space that had opened ahead.
Night fell. The whole scene was becoming surreal. The shops had closed early, in self-protection. Tail lights and brake lights shone dimly through dust and exhaust. The traffic got steadily worse. Gas was running out: motorbikes were being pushed, cars abandoned. Eventually we reached a two-lane on-ramp to an overpass and it became clear that nothing would go any farther. People swarmed out of their cars or climbed on their roofs.
Nobody was in charge. When I’d arrived in Karachi, just five hours previously,
every road had a soldier lounging at the corner or on a bridge. Now
there was no sign of them, nor of police to help sort out the
traffic.
Yet, astonishingly, there was no sense of threat. It was only later in the evening that a feeling of
grievance would emerge here and there, tires would be burned, shots will be fired (mostly into the air), campaign billboards would be pulled down and torched, the belief in Pakistan being that everything comes down to politics, and all politics is corrupt. For now, people were standing around watching, talking, even joking. One boy of maybe nine grinned as he helped his father push their car.
In the end, Zabair backed up, bumped across a construction site under the overpass and found a detour, then another, and finally we got to my host’s home, the 25-minute journey taking more than three hours. Indoors, we stared at the TV. Still, nobody knew what would happen, but I felt I’d been granted a vision of how the world will end: not with a bang but with a final apocalypse of traffic.—Tim Brookes
Tim Brookes’ latest book is Thirty Percent Chance of Enlightenment.

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You’re So Money [Dangerous Liasons]

Don't spend it all in one place.
Here’s the first of three excerpts from Letters to Zerky, an account of Bill Raney and his wife JoAnne’s travels along with their 18-month old son Zerky (and their miniature dachshund Tarzan) across Europe and through Turkey, Iran, Afghanistan, Pakistan, India, Nepal, Sikkim, Assam, Thailand, and Hong Kong in 1967 and 1968 in a VW van. Because Zerky was too young to remember his adventure, his father wrote him a series of letters along the way, while his mother kept a diary. The book, released in November, comes recommended by Three Cups of Tea author Greg Mortenson.
Letter From Ghazni, Afghanistan, November 29, 1967
Dear Zerky,
Your mom has a lot of class. This morning as we were getting ready to leave Kandahar for Kabul, we remembered that we didn’t have any Afghan money. Unable to find a bank in Kandahar, your mother decided to try to change money at the hotel where we were camped. “But they just won’t let us do that,” I told her. “We haven’t even rented a room, and we look like a busload of hippies.” “I’ll take care of it,” she replied.
She spent the next hour getting all dolled up. Both of us have brought along one set of good clothes, “just in case.” Prior to arriving in the wilds of Afghanistan, neither of us has worn them. Your mom put on her white blouse and her brown suit.
“Why not wear that cute little Tyrolean costume instead,” I badgered, “the one that makes your boobs look like they’re hanging out.” “Sure, that would be perfect for a Moslem country,” she countered. Next came the nylons, then the high heels, then half an hour of doing her hair, nails and makeup. “You look like a million bucks,” I told her, begrudgingly. “That’s the idea,” she replied, as she marched off to battle.
Fifteen minutes later she was back with a big wad of weird-looking bills. “How did you talk them into it?” I asked.
Your mother then explained to me, as if to a child, that she hadn’t talked them into anything—she just didn’t give them the opportunity to say no. She had come to Afghanistan on business, she told the hotel manager. She explained that she was in the motion picture business in San Francisco. “San Francisco is near Hollywood, California. You’ve heard of Hollywood, California, haven’t you?” Indeed he had. Then she explained that the price of making movies in Hollywood, California is exorbitant. “The cost of making movies in Afghanistan must be very reasonable in comparison, “don’t you think?” He did.
“And what with all your colorful tribesmen, beautiful deserts, and spectacular mountains,” she larded it on, “I’m sure American audiences would love to see your faraway beautiful land.”
Had he read the recent best-seller, James Michener’s Caravans? she asked innocently. “It’s all about Afghanistan.” He didn’t read English, of course. “Everybody’s reading it in America,” she went on. Finally she explained how she had arrived in Afghanistan only yesterday, and had not yet had the opportunity to exchange her American dollars. “Are there many such grand hotels as this in Afghanistan?” she flattered.
“Did you offer him the starring role?” I interjected.
“How much would you like to exchange?” he asked her.
There’s no business like show business. —Bill and JoAnne Walker Raney

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Toy Story [Nothing to Declare]

Fulla, the Muslim Barbie.
After spending five anxious days in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, hanging out in a Bedouin tent with an international fugitive who’s wanted as a “Specially Designated Global Terrorist”—a character who figured prominently in a story I was reporting about a Muslim charity in southern Oregon with purported links to al Qaeda—I was relieved to finally be en route to Portland, albeit standing at the tail end of a line that was advancing glacially toward a distant security checkpoint at Frankfurt Main Airport.
As the final boarding call for my connecting flight home echoed through the cavernous hall, I thrust the shopping bag that I’d been lugging onto the conveyor, and waited anxiously at the end of the X-ray machine for my bag, growing increasingly agitated the longer it failed to appear. The scanner technician motioned for his superior, and then a security guard, toting my bag, asked me to follow him into another room, where he asked me to empty the contents of the bag onto a table. First I pulled out a silk black abaya and boshiya (traditional Saudi dress and veil) for my six-year-old daughter, then a white thobe and red checkered ghutra (robe and headdress) for my eight-year-old son.
No problem there. Then I remembered the toys.
On the way to King Khalid International Airport, my Saudi host made a detour at a toy store, and had picked out two dolls for my kids that he insisted were all the rage in Riyadh. So out came “Fulla,” the Saudi version of Barbie, robed and veiled in black, accessorized with a prayer rug. The guard pressed the button on Fulla’s back and looked at me quizzically when the doll called out to Allah, praying in Arabic. He stiffened when I presented him with a Saudi G.I. Joe, a bearded, chamo-clad airborne ranger toting an automatic rifle, bandolier, grenades and dagger. “Fur die kinder!” I said lamely, as the guard, registering his disapproval, swabbed the toys and ran the sample through a mobile mass spectrometer.
For a few tense seconds that ticked like minutes, I wondered if I’d been set up by my host. Then the explosives detector spat out its reading: Negative. And I was on my way. My daughter has never played with Fulla, whose muffled prayers sometimes sound when she’s jostled in her resting place at the bottom of the toybox. But that plastic Saudi warrior stands at attention on a prominent shelf in my son’s room. A gift that traveled all the way from Arabia.
He calls it his “Jihad Joe.” —Ted Katauskas is a former magazine writer currently based in Guantánamo Bay, Cuba.

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Rocked at the Casbah [Dangerous Liasons]

Here’s the 2nd of three tales from Greg Dobbs, an Emmy-winning producer and correspondent for 23 years with ABC, taken from his new book, Life in the Wrong Lane - Why Journalists Go In When Everyone Else Wants Out.
[From the chapter CHAMPAGNE FROM A STYROFOAM CUP, on covering the revolution in Iran]
Ironically, we have the Ayatollah himself to thank for our lives. Standing at the corner window, weakly waving his hand at his subjects who were pinned in too tight to wave back, he saw us in the crush and signaled to his aides. They nudged Khomeini away from the window and reached out for us, pulling us one by one across the windowsill and into the room. Ayatollah Khomeini. What a guy. —Greg Dobbs
To buy Dobbs’ new book, ‘LIFE IN THE WRONG LANE’ (iUniverse), click here.

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Horned and Dangerous [When Animals Attack]

Do you feel lucky punk? Well, do ya?
Ever wonder what it’s like to be a far-flung correspondent for T.V. news? Let’s just say it’s no walk in the park. This week Greg Dobbs, an Emmy-winning producer and correspondent for 23 years with ABC and currently a correspondent for HDNet TV, shares a few priceless tales of woe from his new book, Life in the Wrong Lane - Why Journalists Go In When Everyone Else Wants Out. Here’s the first of three. Thanks Greg. I hope you enjoy his misfortunes as much as I do. — Ed.
[Note: the following is from a chapter about Dobbs covering the Indian occupation of Wounded Knee.]
The first sign was maybe a hundred yards ahead of us, at the top of a hill, silhouetted in the dark night. A lone figure, erect, like a statue at the top of a treeless slope, the barrel of his rifle standing out against the night sky. He seemed to be peering right down at us. If he was a fed, he was just waiting to clamp on the cuffs.
We stopped short and whispered to each other. Fed, or Indian, or angry rancher? No way to know. But it didn’t really matter. Whoever he was, he wasn’t acting real friendly.
We could cut fast to the left or right and hope to outrun him. We were weighted down with tens of thousands of dollars in camera equipment, but who knows? Maybe in this deep snow, we could move just as fast as he could.
And maybe we couldn’t. Furthermore, outrunning him might not be our biggest challenge. What if he shoots at us? Could we outrun the bullet? (more…)

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Ski Bus to Hell [Lost in Translation]

Let's just take the bus. We'll be there in no time!
It was my 2nd time on Esquel, a sleepy mountain town in Argentine Patagonia known for its fishing and a gem of a ski area. This time I was with my ski buddy, Tyler from Montana, and was eager to show him what I’d discovered in my prior 9-day stint. I was staying in a new hostel for a change of scenery and, as we left, Federico, the patron of the hostel, asked if we needed transport to the mountain, a 30 peso fee. I explained to him we would be taking the local bus to a hitchhiking spot, but Federico said the bus didn’t go there.
‘Yeah yeah, he doesn’t know I’ve already used it,’ I thought, secure in prize knowledge shared from 2 savvy Swiss skiers, all of 19 years old. I knew. The drill is: once on the bus, ask the driver to be let out at the puente (bridge) then walk 4 blocks to the access road, thumb it, then use the extra 30 pesos for a wonderful bottle of Malbec back in town. Still Federico insisted the bus does not go to the puente, but I chalked it up to linguistic difficulties and ignored him… (more…)

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Skiing, South American Style [Road Warriors]
Wednesday September 02nd 2009, 12:04 pm
Filed under:
Road Warriors

Experts only? Esta bien!
You know when your friends are out there having a complete, unhinged blast and they email you from the road, fired up on life, making your workday feel even blander? (OK, OK, guilty as charged). Here’s a letter I got from my old college housemate Josh Boulange of Bozeman, Montana, who excels at making his old friends jealous whilst adventuring around the globe in search of untrammeled snow, uncaught salmon, and other delicious things generally beyond the reach of any cubicle. But things don’t always go according to plan. For one, down there, liftlines can resemble riots. Here, the intrepid Boulange on his experience of skiing in Argentina. — Ed.
Greetings,
I write you all from an upstairs locutorio (internet outpost) from Bariloche, after a liter of quilmes and un hamberguesa completa (ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato). I arrived this afternoon after a hellacious bus ride. It was supposed to be 22 hours, but it was only 23. In the middle of the night the bus stopped in the middle of nowhere for about an hour, stuck in a line of traffic. I could see fires by the roadside ahead; everyone was talking about it, but I could not understand anyone. When we finally passed, there were dozens of men throwing logs on the fires and waving long branches at the bus—it seemed like a protest or strike—but I might as well have been in Timbuktu and I could make no sense of any of it. I was also too tired to really try and figure any of it out. There was a one-legged man sitting in front of me with a deep voice who kept going up and down the stairs (double decker bus) all night, like every 30 minutes…. (more…)

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